Maybe all of these happens started from.....
It was my national examination. Everything was great. I did it without any serious trouble and then I got my holiday for a week,well actually I wait for the announcement from the university about my admission. And everything was on plan. It actually great. They accepted me. So I don't have to do any big test anymore and already got my own seat in law faculty. And yeah I'm so grateful for this. My parent were happy too. We were all happy. But then not long after that,there's a missing part from my life. Back to before the national examination. I knew a boy from the internet. And he was 2 years older than me and he's a college boy. I didn't take this seriously. I admit,that I was happy with him because he always be there asking about my day and listen to all of my shits and also cheering me up every morning before I go to school. Well,I should admit it made me happy because nobody done this for me before and he appeared in a really good time because I really need a supporter during my hard times and sometimes I also feels nervous before the exam and he made me feel warm and comfy somehow. After being more intense we decided to meet up. But we always reschedule because we have our own activities and I can't deny that he's pretty busy too. Until one day he said he want to meet me on Monday. Which means I have to wait for like a week because he was out of town. So I was like okay without any suspicion inside my head. Everything seems so fine,he keep texting me and sending me his pictures and I do it in return. But then,when it comes to Sunday,right one day before the day,he said that, he thinks it will be better if we stop contacting each other and just go on with our own life. So I was like,what the hell?
This is the first time I wanna be serious in relationship because I've never been dating someone before and then he came to my life even though I wasn't expecting this but then he made me expect some stuffs like this but then he just leave me like I wasn't worth to be considering at all? Okay,that's fine I could move along. It's not a big deal tho. I just need to forget him. We never even met yet before,so why do I have to waste my time thinking about someone who clearly doesn't see you as something worth it. I mean,he doesn't even want to try so why you have to try so hard to understand him? It doesn't hurt too tho because I just realised that maybe he was just some distraction that I made so I won't be overthinking about my duties and my exams. So,that's totally fine.
But people say,when everything seems on its place or when you feel happy,it's actually when everything start to crumbling down. And yeah that's true. I mean,It's impossible to win the lottery forever,isn't it?
So after that,I met another problem. Not a big problem,but just some chaos that made me think everything is about to go down. I mean,we always up and down,that the way life works. I met some envy people that seems to be so unhappy with my achievement and the worst part is they are some people that matter to me. So it kinda disappointed me and make me down. I also have a really weird feeling towards my bestie. I don't know why,but I don't want to meet anybody anymore. I get hurt so easily,often offended with something they say,and being so paranoid with what people do because I feel like they only wanna judge me. God..What is this? Why everything like this keep bother me inside my head? What's wrong with me? I just wanna have a good life and good mood at least a day so I could breath the air peacefully and stop overthinking about everything because they're actually not a really big deal. It just something wrong with my self. And I'm so scared that this circumstances of me will drive me crazy. I wanna stop. I wanna meet new people and back to school as soon as possible so I got something to do. Or maybe I need a break from everything like I wanna do some escaping to another city alone by myself and try to do mediation with my own self. I have to deal with my own self and I have to stop my head thinking about something too much so it won;t explode. I have to stop overreacted. Well,I guess I'm just the way too fucked up. I feel too much and think too much. I don't know is it a gift or a curse. Because when I'm happy I feel so extremely happy and blessed but when I'm sad I feel so fuckin sad and it's hard to get over from something. I'm my own destruction. I'm a chaos. I'm a catastrophe. And if you want to get to know me..I'll be glad. I like to meet new people but I wish you're a nice people. Because I have enough bad people in my life. They're not that bad,but sometimes,not all the time, they hurt my feelings. I even have to build a really high wall and selecting who's gonna be someone important and matter for me,my life starter pack,and my supporting people. they all my inner circle. But even though I do that,it can;t prevent me from being hurt. Because no matter how much they love you,no matter how close you both,they will still be able to hurt you. Because we're all just a human being and our heart is just a fragile diamond that could easily break but it is covered by our skin and our bones so people can't see how wounds our heart is.
p.s. This is just a fictional story that i made and the character above is only fictional.
p.s.s I don't own any pictures above. So if you feel like it is yours,you could comment down below.
p.s. This is just a fictional story that i made and the character above is only fictional.
p.s.s I don't own any pictures above. So if you feel like it is yours,you could comment down below.
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