The Closest One. // SHORT STORY

“I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe
I gave away my money and now we don't even speak
I drove miles and miles but would you do the same for me
Oh, honestly?”

Suddenly my music player play this song on their track list. I have to admit that this song is totally a great song and reflect the way I live these whole time. Even when Ed Sheeran has finished the end of this song,this song will stuck on my mind for days.

The hardest question that I’ve ever asked to my self is ‘what will they do if you don’t forgive them and choose to let them go?’ ‘will they stay?’ ‘or just leave?’

I’ve never knew the answer because I never tried to do that to the people I love even when they hurt me and didn’t ask for apologise. It’s just always about my self. Easy to forgive and forget what they’ve done.

I choose this way of living not for no
reason. I have a logic reason,according to my self. First,I believe that there’s nobody perfect. We’re all just human being,we make mistake. Sometimes we don’t even know how to act and how to react because these whole world is such a big mess. So this made me think that when someone hurt me,they don’t really mean it. I always see the good in every person even in their darkest soul. It’s just my behaviour and my thing.

Second, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life planning some revenge to other people because they hurt me or because they did something bad for me. Sometimes it is so much easy to let go than hold on in to the scar because the scar won’t heal if you keep touching it. And I’m pretty sure that time is the best healer in the world. So why we have to be stressed out about somebody that is not important enough in your life? That’s a waste of time.

But all of this story will be a different thing when someone that hurt you is your closest person. Someone told me that:
“The closest one,is the most person who could hurt you the most.”
Yeah,and I believe it. I totally agree with this opinion. Because you put your biggest trust,your biggest happiness,your biggest secret on them (the closest one).

At this point of life,I don’t know how to react,I don’t know how to survive, All I can feel is emptyness.

I’ve been hurted and betrayed by my closest one. They left me with no reason. No matter how hard I try to ask them they just don’t want to explain. Or in my conclusion they don’t want me to be some part in their life anymore.

I have trust issue because everytime I trust somebody they always show me why I shouldn’t.
And once I forgive someone,they will think I’m easy and they will hurt me over and over again just because they know,I will apologize first.

I’m so tired living like this. I feel like this world is not fit with me. And everytime I try to talk to somebody they never look deeply in to my heart that I need saving. I need someone’s hand. I need someone who would hear my story. I need someone who would appreciate my presence.

And the hardest part is,everytime I try to be heartless and not overthinking,I just can’t. That’s not me at all. Can I just find someone nice who would give their shoulder when I need them most? Can I just find someone who would expecting my presence in their life?

I’m dying. It sounds over reacted but you don’t know what I’ve been through these past days. I just lost my grandma (which is my very first supporter) and my uncle (the kindest one). This whole thing is like a meteor attack that crashed onto me and leave a big hole in my heart.

I feel that this life is pointless. I’m doing great,Every day I wake up,and go to school but when I get home and find my self all alone I know I’m not okay. The only escape from feeling miserable is just pretending that I’m not miserable. It helps to hide my real emotion so I could still do my daily activity. But in the end of the day I feel so numb and worthless.
My only solution to face this chaos is isolate my self from people and not giving all of my trust to them.

I know it sounds like I’m a coward. But you have to know sometimes,we don’t have power to change something. The only way to survive is escape.

Side note: Leave everything that makes you feel miserable. It's never been the purpose of life to please every people around you. So if something hurt you. Stop it. Don't stand up for other people without seeing that your own foot is bleeding.  And sometimes,people that you love,hurt you. Not every time but sometimes. But you should remember that you have self value. If you keep underestimate your self value,so will everyone.


p.s I wrote this bcs I want to liberate my self from the burden that actually not really mine. If you have similar feeling like this,you could talk to me,just in case 9if you want someone to listen to all of your problems. Sometimes,there's a benefit talking to stranger.

PS. I DON'T OWN ANY PICTURE IN THIS POST SO IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S YOURS,PLS LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW AND I'LL GIVE CREDIT. OR IN ANY CASE IF YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT DOWN,THEN I WILL.